There's a party in my head. And no one is invited.

Welcome oblivion

They think they can change me.
They think they can fix me.
Want to throw away my soul; and start fresh with a new one.
They know I have potential.
They know they can succeed.
But do they know if they look a little bit closer, that I bleed?
There words leave scars.
Bruises on my arms.
What they can't see won't hurt them, but where does that leave me?
They want to show me life, give me color.
Try to set me free.
But as I rise up, I think it's clear now.
They know I can't be altered.
"THIS KIND OF FIRE; THEY CAN'T GIVE TO ME"

hanging on every word

discovering that you love something. that's a special moment. when that switch in your head clicks and you realize, this is what's supposed to happen. it just.. makes sense. it flows. you can almost get an out of body experience. looking at your entire life through a movie screen projector and realizing that every single moment, every heartbreak, every regret, every mistakes has gotten you here. you were on a pathway of disappointments but found the right turn. everything has changed. you realize you can recover from this. a new you can be discovered. you couldn't stay who you were. so you become someone else.

the odds of being alone

my stomach clenches. my heart pounds. eyes burn. bones ache. head throbs. my pulse is racing 100 miles per hour.

then.
NOTHING.
i focus on absolutely nothing.  the tingly feeling soaring through my body slowly vanishes first through my toes, than the fingers as it makes its way to my hollow organ. The butterflies that were fluttering inside me take their last breath one by one. i feel NOTHING. i am NOTHING.

i know that now.
i hold my breath. trying to gain the strength. yearning for the feeling, any feeling to come back to me. but i know its too late. its already gone. it has disappeared into the night like my last strand of hope.

I'll be okay i repeat to myself numbly.

then just like a new born would open their eyes for the first time welcoming the world, i can see now. but its different. its through a new set of eyes. i look at the world around me in a apathetic form. understanding overwhelms me as i grasp what has happened. i have officially lost. control.

now that i am gone, i dare you to move on.

" one of me is wiser

one of me is stronger

one of me is a fighter

and there's a thousand faces of me

and were gonna rise up

for every time you broke me

well you're going to face an army

an army of me"

this quote is relateable to almost any situation and that is what first got me infatuated with it. it screams at me to be myself and stand up for me. when no one else will. that we all do matter. we all have different faces ones that so many are familiar with. or that are complete strangers to our dearest friends. we all have a side that can rise up in the right (or wrong) moment. we all have the ability to rise up and show then who is boss. but we also have the ability to be scared, shy, nervous. these faces can take over and tell you there is not other reflection looking back at you in the mirror. these faces are what i like to call liars. burn these faces to the ground. and never look up. then you can become who you really are, a fighter.

ESCAPE

escape from yourself. escape from society. escape from your social life. escape from the rules. take a walk and escape from reality. think about how small your life is and how short of a life span you really have. escape from your worries. escape from yesterday. escape from your thoughts. your hopes. your dreams. escape from you and everyone else who surrounds you. go to your own "outer space" deep inside your mind. its just you, no one else. escape to your quiet place. your space. your own little world where everything goes perfectly or not perfect at all. however you  prefer. push out all your emotions and float in your mind like you would if you were in an astronaut suit. in slow motion gazing at the world. go deep inside your mind, and gaze. look at the wonderful view you can have if you just put your mind to it. we all can escape, it just is whether or not you really want to. or if you have the guts.

How Terrible it is to love something that death can touch

Death. The word alone makes chills run down my spine. It's one of those things that will always have a positive and a negative. It can give release to someone in pain,it can take place with an eye for an eye, it can also make your world stop spinning. But it's also the one thing that you can NEVER undue. Never fix or bring back. It's an incurable disease that we are all going to catch. It's not anything medicine can fix or uplifting words from loved ones. It's something that we all need to accept, but the one thing not most of us never will. I think it's safe to say we all have or know someone who has lost someone, we all know what it can do to the soul. It's terrifying. It's heartbreak on steroids. I don't think the pain of the loss will quite ever go away, but it's life. As they say "shit happens" and boy no one will ever know how right they were. So start paying your dues. No regrets. No mistakes that aren't learned from. Death is so real and alive... In the most deadly way possible. Literally. So laugh more, don't be afraid to be yourself and let go. Cause no one knows how many screw it moments you have left on this twisted place we call earth.