Let your fears go, you might find your way back home

I like people too much, or not at all.

Isn't this always the case though. We want what we can't have. We hate who we love. Cry when we are happy. Laugh when we are sad. It's pretty messed up. We are all like this in some way or another. Everyone at some point in their life will have a situation where they only want what we can't have. And we will play games to get that. But what happens when we get it? We aren't truly happy because we then realize we don't really want it. We wanted the chase, the rush. "Players only love you when their playing." I could reveal myself, but what's the fun in that? I like being a secret. And hell some of you might even know who I am already. 

The seasons have changed and so have we

I remembered EVERYTHING that you forgot.

i remember playing the boy role when i was little when me and my sister would have tea parties in our backyard. i remember having a Popsicle stained face at all times. i remember the feeling of the warm sun against my skin. i remember the lyrics to When I'm Gone by Eminem from blasting them in my sisters car. i remember ice cold cherry coke. i remember the butterflies in my stomach. i remember driving to the movie theater just to buy their pop corn. i remember trying to make eye contact with a certain person in the hall way. i remember trying to prove gravity wrong. i remember only being aloud to have sugar cereal on vacations. i remember paying for my own domino's pizza on my 15th birthday. i remember thinking high school was going to be the best years of my life because that's how the movies made you feel. i remember living on energy drinks. i remember when my dad has glasses. i remember cutting my own hair right before family pictures. i remember learning cursive. i remember how i used to hate being left handed. i remember when i would by bigger shoes so my feet didn't look as small. i remember it all.

Love will tear us apart

instructions to "Enjoy the Silence"

plug your ears, then stop which do you prefer? the dead silence or the absurd noise. if its the last one well then you're just wrong and please stop reading. To the other geniuses please continue now go on a drive, go on a walk, drive the magic rode (commuter lane) or anything that isolates yourself if you are driving it okay to blast your music. because if you are anything like me its never to impossible not to. (I think there are many ways to enjoy the silence usually you would think key word silence but again you're wrong please stop reading. maybe i should have started out with how to enjoy being alone? cause i am guessing some of you are thinking the voices in my head will never shut up for this one. i like the phrase enjoy the silence though so... take it however you want it) back on on track. So you are alone now i am assuming or sitting their plugging your ears and getting STRANGE looks from STRANGERS. i can't really tell you how to feel and since enjoying is in fact a feeling you are on your own now. but trust me it will hit. but if not... maybe try shutting your eyes really tightly?

Even monsters have their pleasures

I'm just a would've been, could've been, should've been, never was, and never will be.

we're all in our private traps. clamped in them. and none of us can ever get out.

                         PSYCHO DIALOGUE

                                   MARION
                          A man should have a hobby.

                                    NORMAN
                       It's more than a hobby. A hobby is 
                          supposed to pass the time, not fill 
                             it...

                                     MARION
                         Do you go out with friends?

                                     NORMAN
                              
                         A boy's best friend is his mother. 
                         You haven't had an empty moment in 
                         your entire life, have you?

                                     MARION
                         Only my share.

                                     NORMAN
                         Where are  you going?  I didn't mean 
                         to pry.

                                     MARION
                         I'm looking for a private island.

                                     NORMAN
                         What are you running away from?

                                     MARION
                         Why do you ask that?

                                     NORMAN
                         You know, people never run away from 
                         anything, really. You know what I 
                         think? I think we're all in our 
                         private traps.  Clamped  in them.  
                         And none of us can ever get out.  We 
                         scratch  and we claw, but only at 
                         the air.  Only at each other. And 
                         for all of it, we never budge an 
                         inch.

                                     MARION
                         Sometimes we deliberately step into 
                         those traps.

                                     NORMAN
                         I was born in mine.

I know the worlds a broken bone. But melt your headaches, call it home.

Lets mingle with distance

It's all about how we walk through the fire

I can only see a better world built on the ashes of this one.

Why didn't I just stay home where it's nice and quiet and nothing ever happens

CAPTION: lonely but certain



Your American dream is our nightmare.
We can't accept the things you teach. We know to much. We are to wise for your demise. We stand strong and hold our ground. For we will never be knocked down. We may appear somewhat faulty and cruel. But we will rise. Oh and how we will rule.

I'm a procrastinator

SANDCASTLES FALL LIKE ASHES OF CIGARETTES.

This quote could be interpreted many different ways, but to me it reads like a correlation between the innocence of a child like substance, such as a sandcastle and the disappointments we experiences as adults, the ashes of cigarettes. Many of us can relate to being a child and getting excited about the smallest of things, like building a sandcastle. And the minor heartbreak we would feel when that sandcastle was ruined, whether by an unexpected wave from the ocean or by a friend accidentally knocking it over. When that sandcastle falls it feels like a failure, all of that time building it was for nothing. We just watch hopelessly as it crashes down. And as we're older the sandcastle becomes something less trivial, and the ashes of cigarettes falling down can be related to bigger problems. Children to adults, Sandcastles to cigarettes. We all grow up and as we do our prospective changes, as do our problems. Whether its a sandcastle falling, or a cigarette burning to ashes, we must remember that every problem seems so important in the moment, but it will soon be done and replaced with something else, and with each problem comes a lesson learned.

There's a party in my head. And no one is invited.

Welcome oblivion

They think they can change me.
They think they can fix me.
Want to throw away my soul; and start fresh with a new one.
They know I have potential.
They know they can succeed.
But do they know if they look a little bit closer, that I bleed?
There words leave scars.
Bruises on my arms.
What they can't see won't hurt them, but where does that leave me?
They want to show me life, give me color.
Try to set me free.
But as I rise up, I think it's clear now.
They know I can't be altered.
"THIS KIND OF FIRE; THEY CAN'T GIVE TO ME"

hanging on every word

discovering that you love something. that's a special moment. when that switch in your head clicks and you realize, this is what's supposed to happen. it just.. makes sense. it flows. you can almost get an out of body experience. looking at your entire life through a movie screen projector and realizing that every single moment, every heartbreak, every regret, every mistakes has gotten you here. you were on a pathway of disappointments but found the right turn. everything has changed. you realize you can recover from this. a new you can be discovered. you couldn't stay who you were. so you become someone else.

the odds of being alone

my stomach clenches. my heart pounds. eyes burn. bones ache. head throbs. my pulse is racing 100 miles per hour.

then.
NOTHING.
i focus on absolutely nothing.  the tingly feeling soaring through my body slowly vanishes first through my toes, than the fingers as it makes its way to my hollow organ. The butterflies that were fluttering inside me take their last breath one by one. i feel NOTHING. i am NOTHING.

i know that now.
i hold my breath. trying to gain the strength. yearning for the feeling, any feeling to come back to me. but i know its too late. its already gone. it has disappeared into the night like my last strand of hope.

I'll be okay i repeat to myself numbly.

then just like a new born would open their eyes for the first time welcoming the world, i can see now. but its different. its through a new set of eyes. i look at the world around me in a apathetic form. understanding overwhelms me as i grasp what has happened. i have officially lost. control.

now that i am gone, i dare you to move on.

" one of me is wiser

one of me is stronger

one of me is a fighter

and there's a thousand faces of me

and were gonna rise up

for every time you broke me

well you're going to face an army

an army of me"

this quote is relateable to almost any situation and that is what first got me infatuated with it. it screams at me to be myself and stand up for me. when no one else will. that we all do matter. we all have different faces ones that so many are familiar with. or that are complete strangers to our dearest friends. we all have a side that can rise up in the right (or wrong) moment. we all have the ability to rise up and show then who is boss. but we also have the ability to be scared, shy, nervous. these faces can take over and tell you there is not other reflection looking back at you in the mirror. these faces are what i like to call liars. burn these faces to the ground. and never look up. then you can become who you really are, a fighter.

ESCAPE

escape from yourself. escape from society. escape from your social life. escape from the rules. take a walk and escape from reality. think about how small your life is and how short of a life span you really have. escape from your worries. escape from yesterday. escape from your thoughts. your hopes. your dreams. escape from you and everyone else who surrounds you. go to your own "outer space" deep inside your mind. its just you, no one else. escape to your quiet place. your space. your own little world where everything goes perfectly or not perfect at all. however you  prefer. push out all your emotions and float in your mind like you would if you were in an astronaut suit. in slow motion gazing at the world. go deep inside your mind, and gaze. look at the wonderful view you can have if you just put your mind to it. we all can escape, it just is whether or not you really want to. or if you have the guts.